True hearts see.,.

Some say love is blind,
Quite unkind,
Cause true hearts see, transparently.

Love perceives the weakness and the flaws
Somehow overcomes and out pours.

Love runs hot,
Sometimes cool,
Sometimes wise,
Sometimes a fool.

Love perceives the weakness and the flaws
Somehow overcomes and outposts

Only one

Waves crash down, boundaries break, and I'm left all alone on the shore. A Million miles from my heart,waiting to be found. Rescue me, romance my soul, come intertwine me with passion, hold my heart steady and strong, I know you will be gentle. Come find me, only one!

the writer

I am intrigued, I am stolen

a piece of me has flown to you

and I don't know what to do...

or if I want it back.

I hang on your words

and I become myself with you.

you take what I say to heart

and you see me as I am

the writer, writing a love song on my heart...

has captured my attention and now I must

let the moments come as they may

I can't waste a minute.

you had me at hello...

Leaves

Leaves, Leaves, Leaves,
Falling down all around.
Wind whips them off their trees
and they whirl through the air
not knowing whrere they'll land.
Sometimes these leaves remind me of my heart.
I used to know the feeling.

I used to feel the breeze, i used to let it move me.

leaves, leaves, leaves
falling down all around.
Vibrant colors full of life,
each leaf its own music,
each raindrop its delight.
Joy fills these leaves.


I know these leaves are like my heart.

I used to be vibrant and full of life.

I used to be my own muse. I used to have joy.


So...just like these leaves who know how to sing their own songs.
who know how to be beautiful just as they are,
I know I am what they are.


Instead of becoming what was, I will love what is.

leaves, leaves, leaves
falling down all around.
the wind dances with them,
the branch says, "Goodbye."
The old was good, but now is gone,
making room for more beautiful leaves to come

The world in My persepective

The sadness of the world -
it haunts me
like an unrelenting dream.
The deapth of people's souls so
wreaked, so rotten, so sold.
People devoured by judgement,
swept away by desire,
rottened by pleasure.

What is this place?
what runs our hearts?
What evil lurks in the catacombs of our beings?

Then, I look at my children,
I see their innocent faces,
the wonder in thier eyes.
Then I see the world they live in.
So dark, so putrid, so frail.
The majetic and the grand,
the beautiful things,
are clogged by lies and cheating and greed.

I wish that we could all be like the children,
so free of evil,
doubt
lust
pride
judgment
fear...
I wish we could all be like these faces I see
full of life,
if only they knew this world like I do
If only they knew...
i'mm scared to death!

Thankfully, there's hope in my heart, breath in my lungs, and freedom in my dreams. Thankfully, I know the way out!

I love you, My Child

I love you, my child
There is nothing that you can do
that can separate me away from you

You are here always,
within my strong and loving embrace
You are protected
You are loved.

I delight in you,
and see my own eyes upon your eyes
I take away your fears
I take away your tears
from now on you are safe
and you are where you’ve always longed to be.


Let the people who judged you
see how I cherish you now,
Let those who condemn you
see how close you are to me.

You are never outside of my love,
never an outcast
never a failure
never so far away
 
You need not do anything
to please me,
for I am already pleased
that you trust me
to guide you in everything
you wanted to do

You are beautiful
you are whole
you are healed
you are my beloved
you can rest upon my strong shoulders,
and trust that you won’t ever slip away
,For it is I
who is holding on firmly to you.

Prodigal Daughter

I thought the grass would be greener,
I thought the thrill would be worth it.
I thought the way I feel, would make it all okay.
I thought, too much.

I've pretended too long,
I've longed too much
I've given up sanity,
I craved the touch

from the first moment I was hooked
till the last night I felt like sin
death creeped in my veins and swallowed me up
thats what it feels like when you give up

I kept telling myself it'd be worth it
and it wasn't even fun
should have stopped before I was addicted
It was too much

now there is pain I cant contain
now there is guilt I cannot erase
now there is hurt that is all on me
now there is life that is in the balance
now there is nothing left to give.


---where do the broken go when they are shattered? where do the shameful go when they are afraid? where do the restless go when they are weak?To the arms of the King, who heals, and saves, and calls us from the grave, who sets the wicked free, and calms the seas. Who has a heart big enough for me!--

Now I am an empty vessel
ready to be filled
longing for hope
I know it wont be easy to rebuild
but slowly I will learn the path
the road, the way...back home

In ruins

you have ruined me...
you let loose your powerful hurricane
and the awesome force
knocked down and broke mysoul
how will I ever recover
how will I ever be whole?

my soul is left in ruins
running, looking in all the wrong directions,
bruised and broken
afraid to be alone
dusty and worn,
like the dessert, dried up!

can this city, the metropolis inside, flurish
without your sweet consistancy
without your liquid poision
in my soul, penetrating my veins?

I am lost, in this desolate place without you
 but in the haze I can barely see the light

Dear You,

twirling white dress
spinning in the wind
flowing brown hair
flying in my face
I see you there
looking at me
seeing my heart
out on my sleve.

You look deeply into me
and find your soul matches mine
you are so enlightened
you make me your mission to win

as I get older,
my intentions change
I no longer need you
to help me stay alive
I no longer need you
to see the beauty on the inside
but crave you to see my outside
that is hungry and alone

you turn away
afraid to go astray.

my heart it falls from me like glass
a broken mirror shattered into pieces before you
graciously, you see the need to free me
and you let me go.
HOW COULD YOU LET ME GO??

But now I see it, in the slow raindrops....
when my mind has cleared and my heart has stopped.
Love is about sacrifice, and about giving away in order to grow.
You loved me, so you did what was best for me, and you set me free.
to discover that I needed to be free in order to exhale
trapped by my pride, and inflated expectations.

your love freed me, and though I know you will never see this I am so thankful that you were in my life for the season that you were. You inspired me to look at life as a gift, and that I am worth more than diamonds. I am valued and a treasure, and not something to be ignored. this gift is not of vanity, you didn't love me for my vanity, you loved me for my heart, and for the life you lived with me.

as much as letting go hurts...
there is much healing in the process,
there is much joy in the stitches
and though, there will always be a scar, and a mark on my heart for you,
I am now whole, because you knew how to love me back to life! Thank You! and I will never be the same!!

You...

Though it hurts to say goodbye, I know its for the best. I'll carry your heart in mine, until it falls out of my chest. Ill never breathe without the thought of your face upon my mind, ill never dream without the fleeting memory of your voice remembered kind. I will never be alone, you'll be with me where I go. You'll be always in my song, be my laughter be my guide. There will never be a day I won't have you in my life. So though we can never be and my heart will always bleed ill know you are where you are and that is all I need. I need. I need....to say goodbye. Forever and good night.

The secret's in the telling

the past is truly a place
I live there everyday
tracing lines, re-playing steps
keeping me alive.

until the last resilient hope
is frozen deep inside my bones
and this broken fate has claimed me
and my memories for it's own.
Your name is pounding through my veins
Can't you hear how it is sung?
and I can taste you in my mouth
before the words escape my lungs
and I'll whisper only once....

There is a secret that we keep!

when I met you...

everytime I smell the humid summer air
I remember how we first met
the warm breeze blowing over the lake
and the sight of you.
There are a million things in this life I can loose.
I can lose my favorite shirt, though I would be sad if it were gone.
and I'd give up the chance to live forever,  I'd hardly want to live, but I'd go on.
but I can't lose you, that funny little smile that makes me want you
you may as well kill me if we are through
I could never live if I lost you!

Alone

Suddenly my mind explodes in thoughts
my feet don't meet the ground
it feels as though I have not been aloud just to feel
for once in this life I want to know what is real!

-- I take a seat near the window, clumsily, my mind tries to unwind itself among the falling snow.
So much goes on around me. So many tasks need to be done, so many clocks need winding-- though I am so surrounded I feel so alone.
...I hang onto the belief that I will someday follow through...
I'm never alone when I am with You!

His Eyes-- (written a long time ago)

I'm Lost--
in a sea of shiney blues, and timid greens
A puzzle of glittering stars, freckle the horizon.
I have been stolen away by glimpses.
I have drown in the beauty of you.
Your simple smile is the sun, lights my life and brings hope to the darkest of days.
Your voice is the gentle breese that calms my fears and refreshes my soul.

...and whatever my heart has always sung...is You!

untitled (written in 2004)

Intertwined in boundaries broken
Forevermore - no more - alone
My heart drinks the liquor of you...
drunk and poisioned with disbelief...
I want to have you
all to myself-
to run away
and never be found.
To escape, if even for a moment,
and land in your embrace...
I want to end up lost...in your eyes.
But this I cannot attain, this, I fear, is impossible.
I cannot have you
I cannot win you
I cannot get lost in your eyes,
because you don't love me.
so forever I will dream of the impossible with you.

Heart of rain

Heart of Rain...
My heart is made of rain
and out of it drips
a passion that refreshes...
drenching dead days and dead lands.

This rain pours fourth vision,
pours forth compassion,
pours forth strength,
to a dry and weary land.
Like a rain-cloud thrashes water upon the earth,
my heart consumes all it meets with soaking love.
I want to refresh,
from within, I want to outpour
into the lives and the hearts of others
too dry to be drenched...
Soak them in Love so lovely,
and passion so real,
they wont know waht hit them.
Like a lightening storm,
blasting hearts with vision!

What the Angels see... (a supernatural occurance...November 2006)

Bursting through the pinkened sky...
I keep on going High, and High, and High!
suddenly I stop, theres a golden gate
it opens, and I am ushered into the estate.
A golden alter in-front, a golden gate behind
and wonderment wandering through my mind.
I look around to see what can be found
All I notice is I walked on Holy Ground.
Then, the Golden Alter is before me
I laid down, to see what I could see
suddenly, ther was something above
Could it be the truest Love?
I saw this thing above me was
a certain kind of golden dust.
falling on my cheeks, like rain.
again, again, again.
Where these drops would fall, gold appeared, on me
I thought to myself, " How can this be?"
Then a figure came walking towards
and in His hands, were golden swords.
I looked at Him with pure delight
and asked "Will you take my life tonite?"
He looked at me and said with glee.
"I have come to make you free.
I have come to make you new,
to give your life a golden hue.
I have given you a glimpse of me
so you can see what angels see.
And know my love so right, and true
and know why I shed this blood for you."

-- Lord show me, what the angels see
Oh God reveal, your holiness to me
Unveil my eyes, restore my vision
till I can see an open heaven...
I'm drawing nearer, I'm drawing nearer to you
into the unseen, into the unseen with you
into the unkown, where I have never been
into the unknown, where I have never been with you...
I'm going up, Im going in...
into the unseen
i'm going up
into the unkown
im going into the unknown...with You!
where I have never been before
things i've not seen before
Spirit of wisodom and revelation is here
One thing I desire, to behold the beauty of my God.
The beauty of my God!

Silent

silent are my thoughts of you now
as they creep through my head
I wont have them any longer!
Loud are the memories quicky fading away
like a sunset on a winters day,
bold and vibrant, but is gone in a flash
it was good while it lasted!
So I will hold in my heart,
all the times i've treasured
put them all in jars in my mind,
waiting for them to gather dust.
I will go back to them someday,
as i sort through my mind,
and there you'll be
a dusty reminder
of all I tried to put to rest.
I don't want to hold you anymroe!!

Casting Crowns

Let this crown fall to the ground
and be cast into the sea
let it drift around, around
and may my pride, with it, be

How vast the ocean was
that day, I cast my crown to thee
and on that see was golden fuzz
so there I was set free
I sang, I danced, I laughed, I cried,
the day my pride stood still
I sent them all to you, in the tide
shifting mine into your will
and while I danced I felt your hand
lock hand in hand with mine
now I fully understand
Your love is all divine
We sang, we danced, we laughed, we cried,
among the waves that day
then from the tide
you made my crown, I will never turn away!

Emotions Exposed

I am filled with anticipation
ready to set sail
ready to launch
readly to let myself go.
I am sure of myself.
This time I will let my hair down a little
this time I will dance
this time I dive in
I will let you guide me
Let me know you
let me see you
let me watch you sparkle.
I want to know every move of your eyes
and the shape your smile makes
I want to memorize your face.
I want to know what makes you tick
what makes you scream
what makes you cry.
I want to make you laugh
I want to hear you giggle
and I want to see you by my side.
Do I dare let you in?
Can I open myself?
Put your arms around me
and let me believe that I am somone else.
Cause I would only doubt myself.
Tell me its real,
this feeling that I feel.
Maybe this time I wont be so scared
Maybe this time I will allow myself to believe
Maybe after all this time
we will be aloud to be,
Maybe...
I think I really like you...

Hiding...

I wish I could say,
All the things I feel inside.
I wish I could play
you a song that describes
all i want to give.

But it's all just a fake,
And it's all just a game.
You see, the real me,
all the parts that go,
hiding.
The Love that rescued this girl
Is the love that I desire to convey.

Romance Me...

Romance me,
My sweet embraceable you..
light up the storm in this life, and love the peices of me
that are dying to be free.
I want to be accepted!
But you see me for me, not for all my ugly parts. all the grand facades.
I'll take off the mask, revealing my shame, revealing my name.
I am so afraid of going wrong, so afraid of straying off the straight and narrow.
I want to be set free, I want to see the parts of me I know can really gleam, I'm ready to see you, ready to see you!!
I'm ready to let loose for you!

I know you look at me with imagination, make me fully yours so I will move in mighty ways for You!!

Perhaps...

There are so many words I cannot say
So many feelings I cannot express,
My face a blank canvas,
My heart an open book.
Look into me, please!
You will see all you are missing
all you long to hold close to you,
you will find your desire.

Can I be these things to you?
Can you ever see me the way I crave to be seen?
Can you love me the way I need to be loved?
I don't know if you can.
Perhaps I am deceived!
Perhaps you aren't all I've ever wanted.
Perhaps I don't need you!
Perhaps I really dont seee you the way I used to!
Perhaps, no, Certainly, there is someone better!!

morning revelation

Pull back the curtains
revealing the brilliant light of morning,
revive my every part.
Restore a broken heart.

Love me back together
take these parts of me
and sew them to your side
never releasing me back
to there (where I am scared)
I never want to be away from you.
Love, break the bonds of boundaries,
security laid in broken places.
Let me find rest in You alone!
Let the hands that made me, hold me,
and rebuild me, to belong wholy to You, Love!

Blackpool- Weatherspoons Pub

69p
for a cup o' Joe,
Swell deal if you ask me!
Better then Starbucks
where it costs an arm and a knee.
It is almost worth it though!

Setting off to pastures new...an ode to England

I'm setting off to pastures new
Where I'll end up, I've not a clue.
I will not look at whats behind
But keep you always in my mind.

And it's there you'll be
forever living, forever free
to dance, roam, and dine
throughout all my lifetime.
I will not forget the prints you've left
on my heart, they are forever kept
there they remain, and there they will stay
Until we meet again, one fine day.
Until then, on my journey I'll be
and if you ever think of me
know that I am secure
where the winds have taken me is pure
don't worry, love, I'll find a way,
to be with you, one fine day!

Wishies in the wind...

Wishies in the wind.
floating,
on this seemingly endless air,
drifting, ever so slightly,
to an edge that has no name.
This is where I've ended up.
Like a wishy in the wind...
blown about, here and there, going with wind that knows only motion.
and soaring without a definate direction,
hoping someday to land in arms that hold my heart
steady, and strong.
wavering, but not weak, I stand, just to fly again.

Kiss the rain

life is...
Life is short, and then you die.
at least thats what "they" say.
then why don't I just wave good-bye
to this dark and calloused day.

It is easy to be sad, when you have tears to cry
It is easy to laugh, when all is okay
Sometimes it is hard to not wonder why
we always seem to throw life away.
So I will sit and reminice the tears,
I will swim in all my fears,
Until I smile again
I will stand and kiss the rain.

Stars...

I breathe, this still air, my chest inflates, my heart awakes, it is night!!
the moon and stars glitter in parade, dancing and singing as they wave at me from on high.
Oh sometimes how I wish I could be those stars. Just to get away from all of this for a while. I can imagine what child would stare out the window at night, stumble upon me, and gaze, at the lonely star.
but me, I am better then a star, for they were made without real purpose. Where as me, I was made with a soul, ready to love and live, all to honor my Maker.
So, I am glad I am not a star, no matter how fun it would be. I am glad I am me, because there is no one else I can ever be.

The book has closed....

these pages are tattered and torn,
broken, and worn
tired from pain.

these words, are soft, and frail, and weak.

these bindings are giving up, and ready to release.

this cover is dusty and old, and ready to greet peace.

but all the chapters are precious gold. 
and all the stories are treasures to unfold. 
all the phrases are memories i've made
all the letters are knowledge i've gained.

Now this book has finally closed
and I suppose, 
that all the love I ever felt
will melt
into those tattered pages. 
and in this cover, the story will stay
until my mind forgets, or until I fade away.
but, this book will always be
the story that set me free.

Letting go...

The wind takes my heart, and it floats like a leaf. 
Swimming in the breeze, I am set free.
In and out I breathe, as I wait for the pain.
I close my eyes to brace it, but it cannot be contained.

I am finally able to see
what holding on has done to me
it has been eating me alive,
and feeding my life with false pride.

I am hesitating, 
but that is better than bleeding. 
I am grieving, 
but that is better than believing.

It has come down to this...
the slow release of control,
no longer will it swallow my soul,
but it's the looking back I will miss. 

I can finally let you go. 
after all this time. 
after holding on so tight,
after giving up the fight. 
I have finally let you go
as you drift away from me,
But somehow I will always be,
lost in the current of your sea.

 

Stop and Listen!

Why does my mind rule my heart?
why doesn't my heart tell me to stop?
why can't i just be free
and let go
of what I would say is insecurity?

Something in me keeps on
like a ticking time bomb
ready to explode
the progress I have made.
I can't stop the devastation it causes
within my soul.

I retrace the lines of my past
and tangle with disaster.
The balance I'm walking on is weak
and may fall away at any moment
I cannot rely on this 
I cannot stay within the boundaries
I don't know how.

If only I could listen to the truth I speak
If only I could listen to my whispering heart
"stop this wreckage" it says
"stop this madness ruining your life"
I need to give up this chase.
the need to free my old self from bondage.

I need to accept, I am what I am.
I live in this moment,
and not in the ones I try to re-ignite.
I am of this time,
not of  the times I once adored.
I need to love this moment
and not loathe what it takes me from.
I need to find the beauty in the letdown,
the freedom in the mundane
and the satisfaction in the here and now.
Who I am right now is enough.
and that is enough for me!

Past Forgotten

Stop living in the past

And in the moments you forgot

Stop pushing forward away

And focus on what you’ve got!

Time is fading fast

Too fast for us to know what to do

If we cling to the pieces

That once made us whole

Then we will fall like ashes

And fade away, alone.

If we constantly reminisce

Of all "what if"s and "but"…

Then we will perpetually miss

What is standing in front of us

Once we take the leap

To accept our daily lives

Even the mundane

Will seem a surprise

The world was not meant

To lean to our demands

So lets control our own lives

And mold it in our hands.

Soak the present dry,

And find what makes you smile

Kiss the past goodbye

It has been gone a long while,

Keep your happy memories,

Frozen in your mind

Like Polaroid's, and silhouettes

You will someday think of kind.

I’ll put this aside

And think of here and now

(The grass isn’t always greener on the other side)

And someday I will learn how,

To love the life I have

And not strive for what’s been left behind.

Missing is like...

When missing is like distance

Farther, farther..away, away.

And seeing is like sunrise

Glowing, glowing, ready, gone…

When Laughter is like medicine,

Healing, hopeful, holding on.

When a smile’s all there is to hold,

Remembering is like a rush of blood to the head

A high that keeps on soaring.

When it’s a memory that keeps you breathing

 When the light is hard to see,

That’s when your heart is bleeding.

"Rock me back to life"

Sometimes I wonder why I am this way
You always ask me, " why?"
And I have no response
Like I am a limp and aimless arrow with no target and no bow.

I wish I could explain
Instead of always hesitate
But no matter what I say
My love for you conquers it all

I need to relearn myself
Discover how to breath again
Be me again
I know this person has come from a well of disapproval within myself
A well I have fallen into  without a way to climb up.
So now I am sinking, into this inevitably endless pit,
The only way out is to change
To force my way back
To challenge the thorns to a duel
To win the conquering lies
To take back the words I have said
To ask for forgiveness where it is needed.
I need to find my freedom again.

Release me from my bondage,
Speak your words to my spirit
Ignite the fire in my veins
Until only Your love for me remains, and I am swept away
By your unceasing love
Your relentless pursuit
Your indescribable grace,
Your immeasurable patience

Rescue this soul that is ill, Jesus and heal it
Restore the broken parts
And rock me back to life again.

"Heart" -2005

A broken heart sings

As a vibrant mind repaints

The pieces back together

Consuming each color

With eyes that are blind

and bleary with tears.

Screaming from the depths

This collage takes its new form

Images from the past collide

With the present-creating a

Future more colorful then ever before

Now, it’s aloud to be…

A heart that is not broken or bound,

but a heart that is free,

colored to breathe, to live, to see.

Colored not only to shine,

but to be seen

not merely to glitter,

but to be bold, to never give up.

It has learned to let go-

Finding beauty in the breakdown.